TC 18: Loss
by Tegan's Muse
Summary: What happens when a member of the SGC, a long time friend and colleague is no longer there?


**TC 18**  
><strong>Loss<strong>

Tegan followed SG1 into the infirmary after their latest mission; A mission that had gone smoothly, and without any injuries, even if it had been a little long. She was glad to be back and be able to sleep in a real bed again, but something was off. She looked around and saw Janet glance away as her eyes landed on her.

"You all know the drill, find a bed." Janet continued to look away.

Tegan shrugged and continued her visual inspection of the infirmary. It was eleven-hundred hours on a Tuesday, there should be two doctors on duty. "Where's Paige?"

"Find a bed Major." Janet threw the order over her shoulder as she looked at Julie.

"Where is Dr. Monroe?" Tegan locked eyes with Julie who stood like a deer caught in headlights. "Airman Peters, I asked you a question."

"And I told you to find a bed." Janet turned around and took Tegan by the arm leading her to an empty bed. "Don't do this, not now."

"Where is she?" Tegan pulled loose frantically searching the empty beds. Currently SG1 were the only non medical personnel in the infirmary.

"She went home to see her mom." That was the truth, Janet reasoned.

"And?" Tegan knew she'd been planning to go a few days after they left for PX-2359. "She should have been back last week."

"Have a seat." Janet spoke softly.

"I – I don't want to sit." It felt like fire ants were squirming around inside her stomach.

"She and her mom were on 66 heading to Dulles for her flight back." Janet watched Tegan's knees go weak as she slumped onto the mattress behind her. "There was an accident." Janet took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "They both died on the scene."

Tegan sat there in silence.

"Tegan?"

"I'm ok." She looked up at Janet. "Can you do my post first? I need to do something my lab."

Janet nodded.

If she'd asked, Janet could have given her the details. Janet would have preferred Tegan got the details that way. The internet with all its technology and information was both a curse and a blessing. As soon as she'd finished her post mission physical she went straight to her lab and started searching for the information she thought she wanted. The first thing she found was a report on Fox 5's website. A mother and daughter traveling on I66 were killed at the beginning of rush hour when the driver of a dump truck failed to stop, sandwiching the vehicle between him and a tractor trailer. The news reporter warned the following feed was graphic, but Tegan continue to watch as they played the footage from a highway patrolman's dashboard cam. He'd been assisting a disabled vehicle on the other side when the accident occurred.

She should have stopped there, she shouldn't have dug deeper, but the link to a youtube video when she'd googled the accident had caught her eye. Figuring it was what she'd just watched she clicked on it. A bystander had come up on the scene and video taped the extraction of both Paige and her mother. Their bodies mangled beyond recognition. The only saving grace was, they were dead before EMS ever arrived.

Tegan put her right foot in the chair and hugged her thigh to her chest, resting her chin on her knee she let the tears fall. She didn't hear Janet come in but she felt her comforting hand on her back. "She was my friend."

"I know."

Tegan looked up at the unshed tears in Janet's eyes. "She was your friend too."

"She was." Janet cleared her throat. "General Hammond tried to reach you before the funeral, but you were out of radio contact."

Tegan nodded.

"He's given you three days of downtime, more if you need it."

"I don't need it. I need to work."

"Take it, please?"

Tegan nodded again.

"Do you want to stay with me tonight?"

"No."

Janet pulled her hand back. "If you change your mind."

"Thanks."

Janet rolled over as she saw the headlights of a car pulling into her driveway play across the bedroom ceiling. She wasn't able to sleep and it was after one. She got up and pulled on her robe before padding down the steps and to the front door. No one had knocked or rung the door bell, but when she pulled the door open there stood Tegan with Shadow at her feet.

"Do you want to come in?" Janet looked at the yellow Jeep Wrangler parked haphazardly in her driveway. Tegan had bought it because she was tired of cleaning Shadow's hair out of the Porsche, plus it was four wheel drive.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't." Janet pulled her inside and locked the door behind her. "Can I get you something to drink? Some warm milk?"

"Ick." Tegan made a face.

"My sentiments exactly. I've got sprite, coke, diet coke, I think there's a Sobe or two in there."

"No." Tegan watched Shadow inching up the stairs. "Go, but don't wake her up."

Janet smiled lightly, sometimes Shadow was worse than a kid. She followed Tegan into the living room and sat beside her on the couch. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Tegan pulled Janet into her arms. "Don't you have to work in the morning?"

"Yeah."

"Then you should go to bed."

"I can't. I can't sleep."

"Why don't you try?" Tegan stood up pulling Janet to her feet and leading her to the bedroom.

Tegan pulled Janet's robe off and helped her into bed before removing her jeans and climbing in behind her. Janet felt guilty for letting Tegan take care of her when she was hurting too. Tegan held her in strong protective arms and it wasn't long before sleep won over and Janet was breathing rhythmically.

The last thing Tegan really remembered was seeing the clock roll over from 3:59 to 4:00. Now she woke up with sunlight filtering through the closed blinds, her arms hugging a large pink stuffed octopus, and the sounds of Shadow snoring coming up from where his head rested on her knees. She looked at the octopus for a few minutes, it had been Paige who'd brought it in while Tegan was confined to base. She sighed and moved the octopus to Janet's pillow. "Move Shadow."

* * *

><p>"Hello?" Tegan's hair was still damp from her shower.<p>

"I was afraid you'd go home." It was Janet's voice on the other end.

"I figured I had clothes here, I just got out of the shower."

"Really?"

"Well, no. I'm dressed." She blushed lightly. "I was going to head home to call Greg."

"You can call from my house, I've got free long distance."

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

"You know I don't. Although I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't already know."

"Yeah." Tegan sighed.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah." Tegan cleared her throat. "I'm ok."

"Alright. If you need anything I'm just a phone call away."

"Thanks." Tegan hung up the phone and dialed Greg's office number from memory, she left a message and waited.

An hour later the phone rang. "Hello?"

"Tegan."

"Greg." She forced a smile even though he couldn't see it. "How's married life treating you?"

"I couldn't go through with it."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, but you didn't call to see if I was still single. Did you?"

"No, sorry."

"So, what's so important you couldn't leave a message on my home phone?"

"Paige died."

"What? How?"

"Car accident, in your neck of the woods actually. Tractor trailer, dump truck, compact car sandwich."

"I heard about that on the news, but I didn't know it was her. I didn't catch a name." He paused wishing he could be there to comfort Tegan, who was probably pretending she didn't need comforting. "I'm sorry to hear that. How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine."

"I don't believe you."

"I was hoping you'd call Flo and let her know. She'll take it better hearing it from you." Tegan side stepped the discussion. "She needs to know."

"That we're down a gale?"

"The Knight-n-Gales can never be again, we can't perform with out Paige." Not that they had any plans to perform as a group again. "It would be sacrilege."

"I'll tell her. Are you… is there anything I can do?"

"No, I just wanted you to know."

"Are you and Janet still?"

"We're still together, and I love her Greg."

"I know you do." She could hear him shuffle something on the other end of the line. "I've got to go scrub in, take care Tegan."

"Bye Greg."

"I love you," he whispered as he hung up the phone.

* * *

><p>"Hello?" Tegan was slightly winded as she pulled her cell phone to her ear.<p>

"Where are you? I tried calling the house, Cassandra said Shadow was there but you weren't."

"I'm climbing." She stated as if it were the most likely answer.

"What?"

"I'm climbing a rock wall."

"Tegan?"

"I'm at the sport climbing center over on Northpark drive." She held on tightly. "I'm not stupid enough to go out climbing the side of a mountain or anything."

Janet wouldn't have put it past her, and let out a sigh of relief. "I was calling to see what you wanted for dinner?"

"Is it that late already?" Tegan glanced at her watch as a bead of sweat stung her eye. She'd been there for over four hours; no wonder the spotters kept telling her she should stop climbing.

"Yes, I'm leaving here in fifteen minutes. I thought I'd pick something up."

"I'm not hungry."

"And you've eaten today?"

"Janet, I've got to go, I'm about to lose my grip." Her forearm was burning from holding herself against the wall. She pocketed the phone and continued her ascent.

When she reached the bottom the young guy who'd been spotting her grinned. "You're pretty hard core."

"I've been climbing since you were still in diapers." She wiped her sweaty forehead on her damp t-shirt.

"I guess asking for your number is out of the question then." He knew she was only a few years older then him, he'd seen the copy of her driver's license in her file.

"Ah, you'd be guessing right." She unhooked her harness. "But I'll probably be back in tomorrow if you want me to take you up to the nose bleed section."

"Very funny." He smiled.

"I picked up pizza." Janet announced when Tegan came in fifteen minutes after she'd gotten home.

"I'm not hungry." Tegan stood in the doorway to the living room. "Hey Cass."

"Hey."

Tegan pulled at her clothes. "I'm going to get a shower and change."

When Tegan stepped out of the master bath and into Janet's room she saw both her lover and a slice of pizza on the bed. Tegan picked up the plate and moved it to the dresser. "I told you, I'm not hungry."

"I hoped once you got a shower you'd change your mind."

"No." She ran her hand through damp dark red tresses.

"Rock climbing?"

"Pretty much a vertical wall." Tegan climbed onto the bed straddling Janet.

"Cassandra's still up."

"She's downstairs watching tv." Tegan protested and leaned down to kiss Janet. She pulled back and sat on the side of the bed dejected when Janet didn't return the kiss. "Fine."

"If you want me to kiss you, eat."

She wanted to tell Janet she could hold out longer than she could, but she wasn't sure she wanted to issue the challenge. "I'm not hungry."

"So back to the wall climbing?"

"I can't just sit around and do nothing."

"Then talk to me about it."

"There isn't anything to talk about. She was my friend and she's not here anymore."

"Fine, then I'll talk." Janet rearranged the pillows. "The first time I met Paige I was called in on a case with the CDC, and I went down to the level four isolation area to see someone all dressed up from head to toe in CPF3 rear entry coveralls, the whole get up doing a victory dance." Janet smiled at the memory. "I cleared my throat and bright red cheeks appeared as Paige looked up. She quickly introduced herself and explained she was making sure everything was secure and she could move around. Then once I was suited up insisted I do the same. So there we were in the hallway dancing like we had ants in our pants. I'm sure the security footage was a riot to watch."

"I'm sure it was." Tegan smiled and nodded to the doorway.

Janet turned to see Cassie standing there.

"I let Shadow out and I'm going to bed."

"Alright." Janet looked at the clock thankful the teen was sticking to her bedtime and not taking advantage of her mom not reminding her of the time. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Night Cass." Tegan watched as Shadow harrumphed before following Cassie to bed.

"What's his problem?" Janet asked.

"I guess I'm not paying enough attention to him." Tegan rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

"Hey?"

"Hmm?" Tegan lifted a brow.

"Talk to me."

"I'm tired."

* * *

><p>Janet rolled over at one-thirty to an empty bed. She looked around the darkroom, there was no light coming from under the bathroom door. She stumbled out of bed and down the stairs where she could see the blue light of the muted TV playing across the walls. Tegan was sitting on the couch aimlessly flipping through channels.<p>

"Anything good on?"

"I wouldn't know." Tegan turned the tv off and tossed the control on the coffee table. "You're supposed to be sleeping."

"I would be if my bed wasn't empty."

"It wasn't empty 'til you got out of it." It would have been funny had Tegan's voice not been so flat.

"Tegan?"

"What?"

"Come back to bed, please."

"I'll just toss and turn and keep you up."

"I can handle it. Please." She hated begging.

Tegan stood up and gave in. "Don't blame me if you're all black and blue in the morning."

Janet wasn't sure if the attempts at humor were a good thing or not.

Instead of trying to go back to sleep right away Janet ran her fingers through Tegan's hair gently massaging her scalp. When she was sure she was sleeping soundly she placed a kiss on her jaw and draped an arm around her waist before slipping into a light sleep.

Tegan cursed as the sun came through the slats of the blinds. It was nine, another morning she'd slept in. Her bladder screamed and she wasn't sure she'd be able to make it to the bathroom in time. Once her thighs touched the cold seat she had to sit there for several minutes before her bladder stopped its spasms and she could actually go. She reasoned she was dehydrated and made a mental note to drink more today. After taking Shadow out she headed back to the sports complex to start climbing again.

"You're back." It was the kid from the previous evening.

"Shouldn't you be in school or something?"

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I'm on leave."

"Military?"

"Air force."

"Really?" He raised an eye brow. "Army reserves."

Tegan nodded. Sure it was great he was in the reserves and all but that didn't mean…

"So you are you going to give me your number today?" He interrupted her thought.

"Why because you're just old enough to qualify for the reserves that's supposed to make me change my mind?"

"Are you always this hard to catch?"

"Harder." She finished hooking up her harness and double checked it. "I'm spoken for."

"I don't see a ring."

"Trust me."

When she got to the top of the wall her bladder screamed again. There was no way she really had to go, she'd been in the bathroom just before harnessing up. She ignored the pain and continued switching to a more challenging course for her descent. At one point her foot slipped a side effect of not having her head completely in the game.

"You ok?"

"Yup." Tegan took a deep breath. "You feeling strong today?"

"You want to rappel the rest of the way?"

"Yeah, I've got somewhere I need to be."

"Alright."

"Tegan?" Janet looked up when she heard someone come in through the infirmary doors. "What…"

"I came in to check my urine, I think I've got a UTI."

"Are you drinking?"

"Yes."

"Did you eat?"

"What does eating have to do with my bladder?" Tegan shook her head. "Look I'm ready to take a whole bottle of pyridium so if you want to see my urine before I do, you'd better let me go."

Janet watched Tegan shake a urine specimen cup in her hand. "Fine."

As she looked at the specimen under the scope Janet walked up behind her. "Positive?"

"Nope." Tegan pulled back. "Guess it's just spasms, probably from holding it in my sleep this morning."

"That could do it," Janet agreed while eying her suspiciously.

"Well, I'm going to head home."

"Home?"

"Shadow's still at your place."

"I'd like you to stay the night."

"I don't know." Tegan shrugged.

"At least stay for dinner."

Tegan nodded. "I'll see you when you get home."

* * *

><p>"Talk to me." Janet put her hand over Tegan's effectively stopping her from rearranging her food on her plate for the millionth time.<p>

"What?" She asked absent mindedly.

"Talk to me," Janet repeated.

"About?" Tegan sighed.

"What on your mind, what you're going through."

"Nothing."

"Tegan," Her voice pled. "Just talk to me."

"There isn't anything to talk about."

"Paige is dead, she isn't coming back."

"I know what dead means." Tegan's voice was oddly devoid of sarcasm.

"She was your friend."

"Why do you want me to talk about this so bad?" She pulled her hand away.

"It helps to talk."

"Talking doesn't change anything. Talking doesn't bring her back. Talking doesn't…"

"It doesn't what?"

"I have to go." Tegan stood up and turned away.

"Tegan?"

She turned back to Janet. "I HAVE to go."

It was times like this she wished she still had her bike. She drove with the top off the jeep but it wasn't the same.

She ached deep inside from places she was sure didn't really exist. It was just grieving for Paige, she tried to convince herself, but she was born with this ache. Sometimes it was buried so deep she could barely feel it and then there were other times it hurt so much she thought it would kill her.

Janet continued to sit at the table as she heard the squealing of tires and the accelerating engine as Tegan pealed out of the neighborhood. Loving her was one of the hardest things Janet had ever done. Falling in love had been easy, it was all the worrying she'd done since then that was stressful.

Janet had just finished cleaning up the dishes and let Shadow out, she was settling down on the couch when she heard the front door open. "Cassandra?"

"No, it's me," Tegan announced her presence. She couldn't have been gone more than half an hour.

"Shadow's out back."

"Ok." Tegan walked through the entry way.

"Are you going home?" Janet looked up at her.

Tegan shook her head surprising Janet.

"Good."

"Thanks." Tegan moved across the room and slumped into Janet's side pulling her arm around her.

"You ok?"

Tegan nodded. "I just needed to get some air."

Janet sighed.

"I just can't talk about it right now, please understand that."

"Fine." Janet stood up pulling her arm from around Tegan's shoulders. "I need to let Shadow in and call Cassandra."

"Is she late?" Tegan knew the movement wasn't Janet pulling away even before she spoke.

"Only a few minutes," Janet answered as the front door opened.

"I'm home." Cassie announced. "Before you ask I already did my homework at Gillian's."

Janet smiled as Cassie walked into the living room.

"Where's Shadow he usually meets me at the door?"

"I was just going to let him in."

"I'll do it." Cassie headed towards the dinning room.

After Cassie had gone upstairs to read before going to bed, Janet put her hand on Tegan's knee. "Would it help if you visited her grave?"

"No," Tegan answered a little too quickly as her heart rate quickened.

"Okay?"

"I don't do cemeteries, graves or funerals."

"Never?"

"No."

"I just thought it might give you closure."

Tegan shook her head no as the pain started to well up deep inside her again.

"It's ok." Janet rubbed her leg in a comforting motion. "We'll come up with something."

Janet rolled over at three-fifteen to find Tegan sitting on the edge of the bed. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm going downstairs so I don't bother you."

"You're not bothering me."

"I need to write some things down, get them out of my head. Go back to sleep." She kissed Janet's forehead before standing up and going to the dinning room.

"Good morning." Janet inhaled the aroma of coffee brewing. "You shouldn't have."

Tegan picked up her glass of milk and nodded.

"Are you going to eat with that?"

"It's a start."

"I wasn't complaining." Janet pulled her favorite mug from the cabinet and smiled lightly.

"I had a dream last night."

"About?"

"Paige. It's kind of hazy though. She came to me and told me I had to keep singing." Tegan shrugged. "Anyway, I'm going to call Oscar today and see if we can do a memorial service next Saturday night, at Mac's. Just something small."

"That sounds like a great idea." Janet offered a small heartfelt smile. "Do you need any help?"

"Nah, I don't think so." Tegan checked her watch. "You should get going."

"Yeah, have a good day."

"You too."

* * *

><p>"Hey." Tegan pushed Janet's half opened door as she stepped into the threshold Wednesday afternoon.<p>

"Hey?"

"I have a really big favor to ask," Her forehead wrinkled in hesitation.

"Ok," Janet's voice questioned.

"I was wondering if you would mind putting someone you've never met up for Friday and Saturday night?"

"Male or Female?"

"Female, you've probably heard Paige and I mention Flo."

"The other Gale?"

Tegan nodded.

"I don't mind, but what about your guest room?"

"The Knight is staying with me."

"And Greg's wife is ok with that?" Janet wondered if he'd even told her.

"He didn't get married. I thought I told you."

"No."

"Yeah, he decided he wasn't really in love with her and he didn't want to live a lie." Tegan shrugged. "So back to Flo, are you sure you don't mind?"

Janet swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "No."

"You hesitated."

"I don't mind her staying with me." That much was the truth.

"Positive?"

"Yes."

"Thanks, I'll bring her by around 2000 hours Friday."

* * *

><p>Had he been traveling with anyone else Tegan would have spotted Greg first, but Flo was never shy about her appearance. It was obvious to Tegan that some things never change. The exuberant platinum blonde came bubbling down the hallway in five inch red heels, black fishnet hose of the hooker variety, a lime green mini skirt, a billowing hot pink blouse and an oversized fedora that matched the skirt. Her make up looked like a clown had applied it with his eyes closed, and as usual she was dressing out of her age group. Tegan threw her hand in the air; she swore Flo was color blind as well as completely one hundred percent certifiably insane.<p>

"There she is." Greg pointed lifting his carry-on in the process.

Flo waved her arm in the air as if she was try to flag down an alien UFO. "Hey sweetie!"

Tegan wanted to crawl under a rock, but instead smiled politely as always. She'd complained several times about Flo being a Gale, but technically she'd know Paige longer and even Tegan had to admit she had a unique alto tenor that set her apart. At the moment it was kind of screechy.

"How are you doing?" Greg inquired when they were in comfortable conversing distance.

"Fine, I think planning this memorial has helped on some level."

"That's good."

"I was so shocked when I got the news." Flo threw her the hand holding her red purse across her chest for dramatic effect. It clashed so badly with the pink blouse it actually made Tegan's eyes hurt.

"Are you two hungry?" Tegan asked as they headed for the baggage claim.

"Famished," Flo answered before Greg could. "They don't even give you those complimentary five peanuts in a bag anymore."

"We hit a lot of turbulence on the way," Greg explained.

"Well there this great little Italian place not to far from Janet's, we can eat there."

"I just love Italian food. Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Italy?"

"Only about ten times," Tegan mumbled as Flo continued talking over her. She was glad Janet was letting Flo crash at her place or she might be up on murder charges come Monday morning.

"Wow!" Tegan finally let out her breath and relaxed as she walked into her place; Shadow bounding out of the living room, where he'd more than likely been sleeping on the couch, to greet her and Greg.

"Tell me about it." Greg shut the door behind them. "I don't think she shut up the entire flight."

"Think you could do brain surgery on her in the form of a lobotomy?"

Greg laughed.

"You think I'm joking." Tegan shook her head and pointed down the hall. "The guest room is the first door on the right, the bathroom is the second. I'm going to let him out."

"Thanks."

Tegan picked up the remote and flipped on the stereo as she walked through making her way to the backdoor with Shadow on her heels.

When Greg entered the living room there was some neoclassical piece he was unfamiliar with floating through the air.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Tegan asked from the kitchen.

"Vodka straight up." He joked.

"I've got Sprite."

"That'll be fine, on the rocks please." As few seconds later his voice was closer. "So are you ready for tomorrow?"

"Shit," She startled. "Don't sneak up on me."

"Sorry." He grinned while taking the drink she pushed in his direction. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." She moved around him to let Shadow back in.

When they returned to the living room Rosie Thomas' "It Don't matter to the Sun" was playing.

_"What can I say? What can I do? I'm still in love, why aren't you?"_

"You didn't answer my question." Greg tried to ignore the lyrics even though the volume was low.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

"How are things with you and Janet?" He leaned forward sitting his glass on the coffee table.

Tegan reached over and lifted it, pushing a coaster under it. "We're good."

"I see you're still OCD."

"I'm not OCD."

"You didn't eat much tonight."

He was beginning to sound like Janet. "They give you way too much food."

"You played with it more than you ate it."

"I was full."

"After what? Ten bites?"

Had he been Janet, she would have pulled him to his feet and danced with him. Instead she rolled her eyes.

"What are you twelve?"

"What are you six?" She jested back.

"I think I'm going to call it a night." He picked his drink up. "Do you mind if…"

"There's a coaster on the night stand, use it."

"OCD."

Tegan shook her head as he smiled before retreating to the guest room.

As requested Janet, Cassie and Flo showed up at nine am for breakfast. Tegan fried bacon, French toast and served fresh strawberries and orange juice. Flo regaled them with stories while they ate, some of Paige, others not. Janet wondered how she could was able to eat with all the talking she was doing. But somehow Flo had managed to out eat even Cassie. Tegan on the other hand could've been out eaten by a mouse.

Janet watched as Greg kept eyeing Tegan's plate, unaware he was watching her do the same.

"So, what plans do you have for the day?" Janet asked when Flo paused long enough to take a sip of orange juice.

"We're going to Mac's to set up and rehearse at eleven. Then I'm sure we'll find something to do until around six."

"It starts at seven right?" Janet double checked.

"Yeah." Tegan nodded as Cassie stood up and started clearing the table. "I've got those Cass."

Cassie shook her head. "You made breakfast."

"I agree." Greg stood up and helped her clean up the rest of the dishes.

* * *

><p><em>Lay down, your sweet and weary head.<em>

_Night is falling. You have come to journey's end._

_Sleep now, and dream of the ones who came before._  
><em>They are calling, from across a distant shore.<em>

_Why do you weep?_  
><em>What are these tears upon your face?<em>  
><em>Soon you will see.<em>  
><em>All of your fears will pass away.<em>  
><em>Safe in my arms, you're only sleeping.<em>

_What can you see, on the horizon?_  
><em>Why do the white gulls call?<em>  
><em>Across the sea, a pale moon rises.<em>  
><em>The ships have come, to carry you home.<em>

_And all will turn, to silver glass._  
><em>A light on the water. All souls pass.<em>

_Hope fades, into the world of night._  
><em>Through shadows falling, out of memory and time.<em>

_Don't say, we have come now to the end._  
><em>White shores are calling.<em>  
><em>You and I will meet again.<em>  
><em>And you'll be here in my arms, just sleeping.<em>

_What can you see, on the horizon?_  
><em>Why do the white gulls call?<em>  
><em>Across the sea, a pale moon rises.<em>  
><em>The ships have come, to carry you home.<em>

_And all will turn, to silver glass._  
><em>A light on the water.<em>

_Grey ships pass into the West.*_

After the memorial service, most of the patrons paid their respects to Tegan and left, leaving those who'd been closest to Paige in the last few years of her life gathered in the bar. Janet watched as Tegan and Greg talked. They were reminiscing about a time when they'd gotten their wires crossed and Paige had shown up to a performance in a dress covered in yellow feathers. It was too close to curtain call to do anything about it, and being the ever consummate professional she went on stage looking like Big Bird's skinny sister. Tegan openly laughed for the first time since hearing of Paige's death.

"They always get on like that," Flo commented. "They're peas in a pod."

Janet nodded and looked away. "It seems that way."

"He's like a lost puppy dog when he's around her. He's just looking for her to take him home. We should all be so lucky." She fingered her wedding band.

"Lucky?" Janet wondered how Flo had managed to catch a man.

"To have someone that devoted to us, someone who loves us as much as he loves her."

"Yeah," Janet sighed.

"But she's a smart kid," Flo said with the experience of her years. "I'd settle for a man like that even if I didn't love him half as much as he loved me. But not Tegan, she won't settle until she loves someone with her whole heart."

Something about Flo made Janet think of Gypsies. Maybe it was her tendency towards mania and her uber bright clothing.

She was saved by offering a response when Sam came up. "It was a really nice program."

"Yes it was," Janet agreed.

"Our last performance," Flo sighed. "I guess I always knew we'd never all perform together again, but now it's so final."

"I thought you were supposed to be the life of the party?" Tegan had turned her attention to their table when Sam had come up.

"Honey chil', we are not in New Orleans." Flo put the perfect southern draw on the worlds.

"They really know how to do a funeral right," Greg commented.

"This isn't a funeral," Tegan huffed.

"I didn't say it was," He defended.

"You just compared it to one."

"I was just saying…"

"I know what you were saying," She interrupted with chair legs scrapping the floor.

She turned to run out and ran right into Greg's chest. Her tear filled eyes clouded her vision and she hadn't seen him mirroring her movements. She fought back as he pulled her close. She hit him several times hard enough to leave bruises. He wasn't sure she didn't just crack his sternum with the second blow but that didn't deter him.

Janet watched as Greg pulled Tegan tighter to him until she was too close to fight back anymore. She watched as Tegan broke down in his arms, shedding the first real tears since she'd first found out about the accident. She felt her own grief being stomped out by a new feeling that had been lingering mainly in the shadows since she'd heard Greg was staying with Tegan, and that he was still single. That monster was now breathing fire in her chest.

Greg felt the sobs finally stop wracking Tegan's body as she went limp in his arms.

Janet jumped to her feet.

"She's physically and emotionally spent, she needs to rest."

"I'm her doctor." Janet reminded in a tone that caused Jack to quake in his seat.

"I-" Greg opened his mouth but shut it after a second.

It was the monster talking. Janet knew the emotions Tegan had been keeping pent up had taken their toll. She also thought this might run deeper than just Paige's passing. "I want her to stay with me tonight."

"Your guest room is occupied." Sam was the voice of reason. Even if Greg knew about their relationship he was sworn to secrecy because of his deep feelings for Tegan. Flo on the other hand probably shouldn't find out.

"She can sleep in Cassandra's room, and Cassandra can sleep with me, or the pull out sofa."

"I'm fine." Tegan pushed away from Greg weakly falling into her empty chair. She didn't know how long she'd cried, but she thought it had helped some.

"Tegan-" Janet started.

"I'm sleeping in my own bed, damn it." Her voice was void of its usual bravado. "And don't trying pulling that 'you're my doctor' crap. I'm fine."

Janet watched Tegan hand her keys to Greg and ask him to drive.

"Janet…" Sam was cut off when Janet thrust her hand in the air, she knew that look.

Daniel and Jack looked at each other before Teal'c spoke. "I believe we should retire."

"Great idea." Daniel stood up.

"She's turned into a real drama queen." Flo spoke as Janet turned to her. "She used to be so quiet and reserved."

"Are you ready to go?" Janet ground out from her molars. Under other circumstances Flo might have been an interesting person, although Janet kind of doubted it, and tonight she was standing on her last frazzled nerve.

* * *

><p>"Hello?" Janet already knew who was on the other.<p>

"Good morning." Tegan sounded better than she had the night before, maybe even a little chipper.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Tegan wasn't sure why Janet's tone was so icy. She really didn't remember much after hitting Greg in the chest. "I slept all night."

"Good."

"Is something wrong?"

"No." They both knew it was a lie.

"Alright? I called to let you know I'll be by to pick Flo up in about an hour. You're welcome to ride to the airport with us, if you'd like."

"I'll let her know." Janet hung up before Tegan could even say goodbye.

Tegan took the porch steps two at a time and rang the doorbell.

Janet opened the door and called over her shoulder, "Flo, your ride is here."

"Are you coming?" She already knew the answer.

"No." It was a simple answer, no excuses.

"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Tegan looked at Flo who was coming down the hall with her hair done up in a beehive. "I'm not sure they'll let you through security with that coif."

"You should stick to singing." Flo grinned. "Stand up was never your strong suit."

* * *

><p>"You've lost three pounds." Janet walked in to do Tegan's pre-mission physical.<p>

"It depends on how you look at it."

"What?"

"Nothing." Tegan didn't feel it was worth the effort, but of course Janet wasn't going to let that stop her.

"No, what did you mean?"

"Just that I lost more than three pounds, so technically I've gained some weight back. So it's not as bad as it looks."

"What it looks like is, you won't be jumping." Janet closed the chart. She didn't have to finish her physical at this point.

"Three pounds?"

"There guide lines in place."

"They haven't been signed off by General Hammond yet."

"I'm still the CMO, and you're still more than five pounds under weight."

"Then we're done here?"

"Yes, with the exam." Janet clarified, afraid Tegan might mean more.

"I need to ask you a question, but you have to promise not to fly off the handle."

"What?"

"You didn't promise." Tegan stalled.

"Fine, I promise." It was half hearted at best.

"You grounding me from jumping is strictly professional?"

"Of course."

"It has nothing to do with whatever you're mad at me over?"

"No," Janet scoffed. "And I'm not mad at you."

"Really?"

"This really isn't the place to talk about it."

"No, but you did want to ride to the airport yesterday so we could talk then."

"I've got other patients waiting."

"Fine." Tegan stood up. "You can tell your next patient that you've grounded me."

She wouldn't have said that had she not known Jack was next on Janet's schedule.

Tegan looked up when the doorbell rang at seven that evening, she was listening to "It Don't Mean a Thing" and reading a forensic pathology book written by an old collegue of hers. She put the book on the coffee table and checked the peephole before opening the door.

"Hi." Janet stood there with a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies in her hands.

"Peace offering?"

"I came to talk."

Tegan stepped back allowing her entry. She closed the door behind her before following her to the living room, where she had to shoo Shadow off the chair. She'd been so engrossed in her reading she hadn't noticed he'd made himself a bed there.

"Why didn't you tell me Greg called off the wedding?" Janet put the cookies on the coffee table, sat down and jumped right into the conversation. There was no use beating around the bush.

"Is that what this is about?" She took a deep breath. "I asked if you minded Flo staying with you, and you said no. She could have stayed here too, it just would have meant me sleeping on the couch."

"You don't get it."

"What I don't get is why you're jealous."

"Because not only is Greg extremely good looking, and any woman would be lucky to have him, he is completely in love with you."

"And your point is?"

Janet shook her head in frustration.

"Would you sleep with your brother?"

Janet's face wrinkled in disgust. "No."

"Not even if he were as good looking as Greg?"

"No."

"Ok." Tegan nodded knowingly. "That's one reason you shouldn't be jealous of Greg, he's like my brother. Sleeping with him is the furthest thing from my mind, the thought of it makes me sick. The other reason you don't need to be jealous is I would never hurt anyone and especially not you like that. I care for you more than I've ever cared about anyone before."

"Why don't you just say it?" Janet grinned a little.

"Say what?" Tegan played naïve.

"That you love me."

"Because you're expecting it." Tegan reached over and pulled a cookie off the plate. "So are we good?"

"For now." Janet smiled.


End file.
